A girl I know who is about to turn 13 thinks she is ready for a cell phone and apparently has been begging her parents for one. My question to you is….Is she ready?
My initial thought was NO WAY! Young teenagers don’t need cell phones. But then I thought about this particular teenager. This is a very responsible girl. She has great friends. She gets straight A’s in school. She’s my top babysitter. She is in gymnastics and dance classes on different days of the week. She is her church class president. She is a very busy girl.
I remember when I was her age, I desperately wanted to have my own phone in my bedroom. I begged and pleaded for a long time with no justice, until…..Christmas morning. I un-wrapped a pink phone from under the tree. Absolute glee! A few days earlier, without my knowledge, my dad, a phone man by trade, had installed a new phone jack into my room. NOW, my question is this…….does having my own phone in my room in 1992 = having your own cell phone today?
She is a very trustworthy girl. Is there any reason to deny her this wish? If I had anything to do with this decision, which I don’t, I would consider getting her a pre-paid plan which she paid for herself, at least mostly. I think that’s what I would do. And no camera phone, yeah.
Not that I am making this decision in any way, it’s just an interesting conundrum I am interested in what you all think about it.
Pros and cons…..GO.
Sloppy Joe Pot Pie
1 day ago
18 comments:
I read your niece's blog and it was so cute. My nephew of similar age, too, has been hitting up his folks for a phone. They tell him he doesn't need one. And they're right. But.....
In 1992 we didn't each need our own phone. In 2009? The world has really changed. I mean, financially speaking, having your own phone at age 12 is definitely a want not a need. Even as an adult it's still mostly a want. In 1992 the idea of carrying around your own phone at all was just outrageous. Now, it's normal. Emotionally and socially speaking, it might be more or a necessity than we want to believe. I look at my kids, how good they are on the computer, how precise they are with the mouse. They can navigate anywhere they want to. Can you imagine their proficiency once they learn to read? So, the point I'm making is that cell phones, computers, dvds, mp3 players are a part of kids' lives now, and it's not something we, as parents, can just ignore and expect it to go away.
As parents we've got to view the cell phone not just as an expensive electronic toy for our kids, but as a teaching opportunity for us. They've got to learn to use this part of their world responsibly and we have to be the ones to teach them. We can't just stick our heads in the sand, fight with them about it until they're 16 (old enough to get a job and buy their own, and you can guarantee that's the first thing they'll buy) and then expect them to be responsible with it.
Kids also have to learn the relationship between privileges and responsibilities. Having a child pay for his own phone ($10 extra if you've already got a family plan, right?) can start to teach him that the things we have and enjoy don't just show up, somebody has to work for the money to purchase them.
I don't remember wanting a phone in my own room (not that I had my own room) when I was younger, but it's probably because I knew it was an impossibility. But I do remember being on the phone A LOT. Having my own phone would have probably been a major help to my family. Of course, if I had a phone, my parents would have had to fork up dough for 6 other phones for my brothers and sisters, too. Not realistic.
I understand the risk of giving a kid a phone. I bet they're a big problem at school. I've heard about kids texting dirty pictures to each other. But I can't imagine your niece participating in anything untoward, and I can't imagine your brother and sister-in-law allowing her to.
It's a committment for a family, sure, but did you think it would be easy when you decided to have kids? Cell phones are a part of life now, even bigger for our children than for us, and we can't pretend they don't exist and that they don't affect us. They do. They affect our kids, they will with or without our consent and participation. I vote yes, get her a phone and teach her about responsibility.
The thing I hate about teens and cell phones is the continuous texting. Durign church, during school, during movies, during conversations, at all times.
I have no real problem with teens and cell phones, but I would have some pretty strict rules, with pretty severe consequences.
The minute I saw her texting with the phone during church or during dinner or anytime that was "against the rules" she would have to let me record her voicemail message saying something to the effect of: "you have reached so and so cell phone, this is her father speaking. She is unable to accept your call at this time as she is not grown up enough to have learned how to responsibly use her cell phone. Please call back next month when we will see if she has learned to follow rules and be responsible. Thanks and have a wonderful day."
i never got my own phone in my room until i was living in an apartment with my husband...which is only slightly after you getting a phone in your room. (yes-i am that old!)
i dont actually want to think about this. parker is 8 and doesnt care about phones (ds-another story!). and by the time he gets to be a teen, it will be something else.
and i have a cell phone now, never use it unless i am lost and need chris to give me directions. how sad. (so i use it often)
Sometimes I wish my 8 year old daughter had a phone. I would definitely get a cheapo, pre-paid plan. She has never asked for one. It would mostly be used for my benefit.
Sometimes she doesn't meet up with her friends after school to walk home with them and so she walks home alone. She walks slow too so she's usually at the back of the pack of all the kids. I am such a scaredy cat about things like that so sometimes I drive up to the school and if she's with other kids then I just drive right back home again (without her seeing me) but if she's alone then I pick her up. It would be so much easier if she could just call me and tell me that she missed meeting up with the neighbors and to come pick her up. It would also be convenient to tell her that it's time to come home from a friend's house.
But there would definitely be rules. It would be off at school and it wouldn't even come to church. It would just be for basic needs. For talking to her family. Is there a way to block calls and texts from anyone who isn't approved? If so I would do that.
That's my little opinion for my family. I probably have several years before we actually will have to deal with this but as soon as she does start asking me for a phone I might give in pretty quick.
Is it possible to write a small comment on this topic?
Just rememeber what Uncle Ben said, "With great power comes great responsibility." I'm not sure what that has to do with cooking rice, but it seems like good advice. If a kid's already well-behaved, she's not going to turn into an evil person just by having a cell phone handed to her (sorry, Anti-gun lobby, but it just doesn't happen).
I agree with Misty: it's a great opportunity to teach responsibility and all that other stuff. There should definitely be rules and restrictions while each party (kids and parents) learn to adjust to the new arrangement. Sort of like putting training wheels on a kid's bike until the kid can prove that she knows how to ride.
Truly, with great power comes great responsibility, and tender rice that doesn't stick together.
Dan, I love when you're in these moods.
Hmmm--I am trying to figure out who the girl is...Do I need to get her on my babysitting list?
Just from your perspective, when your babysitters have their own cell phone it makes things very convenient--my 2 top babysitters have them and I love it :)
Seriously though, this is a topic I think about a lot--when and how to approach it as a parent. The main thing I think about is that it has to come with very strict rules and likewise, very strict consequences for breaking the rules. I know of one mom who takes her teenagers phones every night at 9:00 pm and then the kids get them back in the morning. I love that idea--no need to be endlessly texting or chatting with friends ALL the time.
And I think teenagers should pay for their own phone privileges--good work incentive for them...
Let her have a phone! She's as responsible as it gets and totally trustworthy!
Every other kid her age (or younger) has one. I know that shouldn't be a valid reason, but they ALL have one! So on some level I think it is a valid reason...
Hello everybody! I am the famous girl who wants a cell phone! I would not do anything bad with it and most likely I would pay for it myself. The main reason I need one is for safety reasons. I go to movies, friends houses, tumbling... it could go on forever. I need to be able to tell my mom my plans and let her know how I am and if I need rides home and so much more! I really think cell phones are the safest way to be!
I say get her the dang thing too. Maybe I'm too laid back about life but I just think wow, there's so many things in life that are worse than a teenager having a cell phone. My 10,13,15,16, and 17 year old neices and nephews have them. Not the end of the world people.
My first thought was just like yours.."No way!", but if the parents put the proper restrictions and uses of the thing I say that the girl is busy enough that it would be convenient for all that are involved. But she would HAVE TO pay for it herself. We are way big on having our kids pay for stuff themselves.
And yes, we are expecting our third kid this July and YES, you should have known :) I first mentioned it in January on our blog. And in our Christmas letter- do you just throw that crap away without reading it ??:)??
Also- I thought about you a couple weeks ago and wanted to call you but still haven't, so maybe I shall :)
as long as she leaves it home (or at least off) while she's at YW (my beehives are constantly texting.. I'd like to tell them to stop, but a lot of the time my YW president is doing it too... hummm) and the movie theater (where I might be trying to watch a movie) I feel like it is o.k. Seems like a good way to keep track of your kid too... gone is the "I couldn't find a phone" excuse... I also think that she should pay for it. Anyway, a lot of rambling to say, sure why not.
I never had my own phone...I don't have a cell phone now anymore...IT IS WIERD I know!
I think if she is responsible, she should go for it. But I also think the parents should have "free access" to her phone anytime. Remember when we got stranded at gymnastics that one time and we had to ask that creepy guy for a quarter? Awe, what we wouldn't have done for a cell phone!
I’m no psychologist, but something strange is going on here. Somebody must think that phones are a bad idea for 13 year olds. Where are you people—speak up. Even last October, over 10 percent of people were “very satisfied” with President Bush and the economy. Today, 93 members of the House of Representatives voted AGAINST the 90 percent tax on AIG executive bonuses.
My point—I don’t believe that everyone supports cell phones for teenagers. I know somebody out there disagrees. So, where are you?
I don't know how I survived 22 years of my life without a cell phone. I feel more naked in the shower without my cell phone than without my clothes.
Being the safety freak that I am my kids get phones very young. My nine year old took one to first grade with her when she was 6. (All three "big kids" had one, I figured the one year old didn't need one :) She wasn't allowed to use it, it was blocked and could only call my phone but it made me feel good knowing she had a life line. She and Bailey share one now, trading off taking it whenever one is leaving the house. They have yet to make a phone call to anyone but me and we're going on 4 years now :) My 14 year old son only texts on his but it is my life line. I can check in with him whenever I want to. I also find that sometimes he'll text me about things he might not want to talk to me about.
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